Receptions

Unwanted guests

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New bride

Hi all........my fiance and I are in our late 50's, and although we've known each other as acquaintances for 40 years, we've only been in a relationship for 8 months and have planned our wedding for October.  When we first got engaged and set a date, we were so excited to have finally found our soul mate that we were both guilty of asking several people to the reception that, with hindsight, we shouldn't have done.  In particular, two of the women guests have been making comments such as "bit quick isn't it" and "when's the baby due then".  We really don't want them and their negativity at our special day but feel that now we've invited them verbally we have no choice but to follow it up with a formal invitation.  We could both kick ourselves!!  What do you think?  Can we just ignore the fact that we asked them and fail to send them an invitation, or should we just bite the bullet, invite them, and hope that they'll act a little more graciously on the day?  

 

Bridezilla

You could say that when you asked them you hadn't realised how much it was going to cost and you're now having to drastically reduce your numbers. If they properly kick off you could invite them to the disco bit of you're having one?

New bride

Thanks Awhelenqt.......trouble is they're friends with quite a few of the other guests and as we're limited to 40 people it's going to be obvious that we've ditched their invites and asked nicer people instead! We haven't a problem with them coming to the night do because it'll be quite easy to just avoid them. Maybe they'll be content with that.....think we're just going to have to test the water and maybe say that the guest list has got a little out of hand in view of the size of the venue, so unfortunately we can't invite everyone we originally planned to.  Thanks for replying x

 

Bridezilla

I’d just pop them an evening invite in and say no more. if they are cheeky enough to question, just say you hadn’t realised how many close family etc you needed to invite and are unfortunately limited. Any luck they’ll be otherwise engaged and keep their negativity away from your special day anyway!!

New bride

Thanks Ashley - I'm thinking you're spot on there!  I think they'll be cheeky enough to ask where their day invitation is though.  Another thought I had was to send their invites out six weeks after everyone else's in the hope they'd get the message lol.  Thanks again x

 

Bridezilla

I'd invite them to the evening only. If they are cheeky enough to ask about the day time then hopefully when you say no in the nicest way they get deeply offended and don' come at all 😁

I'd send their evening invites at the same time you send any other evening invites x

Bridezilla

I'd invite them.  I think it's bad manners to invite someone and then basically recant. Two Negative Nancys are not going to ruin your day - not a chance. I hate to say it, but they won't even be the only negative people there. Unfortunately, there will be other people present who also have something bad to say about the music or the food or this or that.  You'll never completely eliminate negativity.

But you can cut down on the stress of planning and eliminate the frustration of them picking at you over their invite by just inviting them. Truly, no one is going to care what two bitter ladies has to say anyway.  Save yourself the frustration and just invite them. 

Bridezilla

I definitely wouldn't invite them. Just send them an evening invite and if they say anything then beg budget constraints or venue capacity. I think the stress of not inviting then will be much less than having them there on your special day. You may not be able to eliminate negativity but you don't have to invite it!

Bridezilla

You're inviting negativity, whether it's these two people or someone else.  You'll never completely eliminate the unwanted comments from wedding guests.  And you're inviting even more negativity in your planning process (and probably thereafter) by essentially uninviting someone you originally invited.  Then you're giving them even more to bi$&% and moan about, and rightful so.  That's bad manners, and they aren't going to buy the "budgets and numbers" story. 

Each to her own though. It's entirely your call. Only you know how much flack you'll get for uninviting them to the day or how much worse it would noticeably be if they were there.

Bridezilla

How is a bride inviting negativity to their wedding?  And how do you know they won't 'buy it', do you know them? Yeah Kitty post another fiery response and then say 'each to their own', that will soften the blow!

Wedding addict

Yeh I would agree with Samantha that it wouldn’t be inviting negativity, quite the opposite. I would also consider it bad manners for people to make remarks such as ‘when is the baby due?’, so there’s that also...

OP, you do what you want to do and makes you happy. You shouldn’t feel guilty about not inviting someone, people really should not assume that they’re invited to a wedding (a real big bear of mine)! Good luck and I hope whatever you do makes you happy x

Bridezilla

Recending an invitation is normally a friendship ending move.  If you don't want their friendship (and they are not a work mate or family member where this will cause difficulties) then go ahead, don't send it!  

http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-wedding-reports/our-castle-foody-boozy-wedding/442990.html

Bridezilla

Equally if they were a good friend they would accept being evening only, and wouldn't make negative comments in the first place. I don't think not following up a verbal promise with a full all day invite is rescinding anything. If you sent them a full invite and then changed ur mind, that wud be different. 

Tiamaria has put it perfectly, do what makes u happy and I don't think you have anything at all to feel guilty about. U r entitled to have people there who love and support you. All the best x

New bride

thank you everyone for your comments and advice.  We’ve talked about it over the weekend and I can’t let myself descend to their levels of bad manners and negativity.  We’re going to leave their invitations to well after everyone else’s and hope they’ve got something else planned or can’t get time off work as it’s on a Tuesday ;-) I’m going to try and be as gracious as I possibly can and hopefully make them feel slightly ashamed (though I doubt they will lol).  I dont agree that there’ll be a lot of negativity on the day, it’s only 40 guests mainly close family and our close friends so I expect full support from most of them.  The two women I mentioned in my post have both been with their partners for ten years or more with no sign of an engagement ring or any long term commitment, so I do think theres a lot of bitter jealousy. Their problem ha!  Thanks again to you all for your advice and good wishes xx

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