Planning

Plus ones at the ceremony?

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Bridezilla

I may be unusual but I wouldn't be offended by OP's invite plans if I didn't really know the couple getting married.

One of my old school friends invited me to her wedding but not my ex who I'd been with for 6 years living together at that point. I didn't mind at all, she only wanted people she knew at her wedding which is fair enough.

Our venue takes maximum 70 people for the ceremony and wedding breakfast and our list is at capacity. If any of my single friends or relatives gets a partner in the next year I'm afraid it will be tough luck, we can't physically accommodate any more people - plus I also only want people I know at our ceremony and meal.

Kids wise, we are only having nephews/nieces and Godchildren in the day - I was planning on telling people their kids were welcome in the evening,  but most of our friends prefer to attend weddings child free anyway.

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

If my husband n I got different invites 4 the same wedding then I think we would either both just go to the reception, or not bother at all.  We r a unit, so invite us as a unit. 

Bridezilla

ruthie1979SpiderBride wrote (see post):

This is a really useful thread and I'm now wondering if I've got it all wrong.

We are getting married abroad and are having an intimate wedding at a villa - we have invited immediate family and only a few friends. 

We have invited 1 couple who we are both friends with and then I have invited my 3 best girl friends but not their partners. One isn't coming as she works in a school and can't get the time off; one is coming on her own and can't wait for a break; one is planning on coming with her family for a holiday and attending the wedding on her own. Should I have invited partners & children? I would hate to think that someone would be upset or offended. I have said to the friend who is coming with family that her family can join us for the evening do. None of them seem upset but maybe behind closed doors they are?

Ahhhhh - I'm glad this has been brought up and I can read people's opinions/views.

Thanks for sharing your concerns SpiderBride xx

I agree with other people's statement on here. If I was invited to a destination wedding, I would definitely extend it into a trip. You need to consider that your guests are not only spending money but also their annual allowance of holidays on your wedding. So the days they spend at your wedding won't be spent on a well deserved break from work. And if they have a partner and you only invite one, that means one person has enough days left for a holiday. And the other one doesn't.

Although our wedding isn't a destination holiday. For my family and friends it is. None of them live in the UK. And some are travelling as far as from Brazil. So I would never even consider not inviting their partners. Eventhough in many cases I haven't met them yet. I am just glad that they are travelling that far to be there on my wedding day.

In the end only you and the OP know how your guests will react. But in my opinion eventhough it is of course your big day, I'd think you would want your guests to be happy. Especially if they are travelling a fair distance.

That doesn't mean that you need to invite everyone you have ever crossed paths with. In fact we are not inviting some members of our family. Because we are simply not that close to them. But when it comes to couple in my personal opinion, they are a package deal.

Bridezilla

FutureMrsTraceySpiderBride wrote (see post):
ruthie1979SpiderBride wrote (see post):

This is a really useful thread and I'm now wondering if I've got it all wrong.

We are getting married abroad and are having an intimate wedding at a villa - we have invited immediate family and only a few friends. 

We have invited 1 couple who we are both friends with and then I have invited my 3 best girl friends but not their partners. One isn't coming as she works in a school and can't get the time off; one is coming on her own and can't wait for a break; one is planning on coming with her family for a holiday and attending the wedding on her own. Should I have invited partners & children? I would hate to think that someone would be upset or offended. I have said to the friend who is coming with family that her family can join us for the evening do. None of them seem upset but maybe behind closed doors they are?

Ahhhhh - I'm glad this has been brought up and I can read people's opinions/views.

Thanks for sharing your concerns SpiderBride xx

I have to be really honest, if my partner was invited to a destination wedding and I wasn't I'd be feeling really upset. I think as well because we try and make any destination weddings into a bit of a holiday for us too. I wouldn't think it's the done thing to invite children though (I don't know as I'm not a parent!) but I would assume partners would be invited. Having said that though, you know your friends better than anyone here, and if they're fine with it then there's no problem! 

I wouldn't attend a destination wedding if my children weren't invited! It's hard enough to get a babysitter for a night but for a full weekend is near impossible! I'd also feel incredibly guilty to be going abroad and having a mini break without the kids. I Take the vue that we are a family and come as a package. I've followed that rule for my own wedding so have 12 children during the day and 20 in the evening 😂

Wedding addict

Personally I've never felt as though I must attend and event because my partner is invited and vice versa.

 

If they are close enough to be invited to an intimate wedding you are close enough to discuss the issue.

 

I hate all this "where I go my partner goes" bullshit. My friends are not his friends and I don't expect people to treat us as if we are a package deal, we are independent people who are capable of going somewhere alone/making the decision to attend something at different times.

Bridezilla

DreamCatcher_ wrote (see post):

Personally I've never felt as though I must attend and event because my partner is invited and vice versa.

 

If they are close enough to be invited to an intimate wedding you are close enough to discuss the issue.

 

I hate all this "where I go my partner goes" bullshit. My friends are not his friends and I don't expect people to treat us as if we are a package deal, we are independent people who are capable of going somewhere alone/making the decision to attend something at different times.

^ this!

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

I am another who doesn't mind nnot being invited.

H2B has been to 3 weddings where I was not invited, one of those he was best man for and all happened after we were lving together and had our daughter. But the best man one was childhood best friend I ahd never met (we had both moved from our home areas) and the other 2 were sports team friends that as I had no interest in attending the games I also dont know.

We have also been invited to a destination wedding without our daughter (but we are lucky and her grandparents regularly have her for a week or 2 at a time in school holidays so 3 days wasn't a big deal to us).

I dont like most of H2B's friends and he thinks mine are boring so rather than force us to interact with each others friends we are perfectly fine doing our own thing when it comes to things like friends birthdays, weddings, christenings etc I am happy to join later on, I can entertain myself easily enough if we go same time or just come along later. It's no big deal.

If we know both people in the couple (or one of us does because we have people coming on both sides that only one of us knows) then the invite has been given to both, for those where we only know 1 of the couple (regardless of how 'serious' they are. My friend is engaged to someone I have never met for example) we have simply sent a message syaing 'Do you want a +1?' Of the 10 or so friends we asked if they wanted a +1, 6 said yes and so have a +1 and the other 4 all said no for various reasons (my favourote reason was my friend who said she didn't want a plus one for her BF of 2 years who we hadn't met because she didn't want to spend the night introducing him to our Uni friendship group and 'looking after him' when she would rather be catching up with us all lol)


                                  My Planning Thread - 'Tis The Season to be Married

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New bride

I think if you have the capacity/funds/have met your friends partner on a few occasions then the done thing would be to invite them. Or say if the friend you were inviting didn't know anyone else at your wedding/would be travelling a long way or needing to pay for a hotel room on their own. 

If none of the above apply, I don't think it is rude to only invite the friend to the whole day and have their partner join later if they wanted to? I certainly wouldn't be offended and it wouldn't cross my mind to be upset because my partner and I are a team. We are to each other but my friends still see me as an individual...

Bridezilla

MrsCToBee wrote (see post):
DreamCatcher_ wrote (see post):

Personally I've never felt as though I must attend and event because my partner is invited and vice versa.

 

If they are close enough to be invited to an intimate wedding you are close enough to discuss the issue.

 

I hate all this "where I go my partner goes" bullshit. My friends are not his friends and I don't expect people to treat us as if we are a package deal, we are independent people who are capable of going somewhere alone/making the decision to attend something at different times.

^ this!

Sign me up to this camp.

I‘m completely happy not to be invited when my husband is and vice versa. We are not a unit, rather independently functioning individuals who choose to be together. We were both single for a long time before we got together and not only do we like time apart to do our own thing, we need it.

Bridezilla

DreamCatcher_ wrote (see post):

Personally I've never felt as though I must attend and event because my partner is invited and vice versa.

 

If they are close enough to be invited to an intimate wedding you are close enough to discuss the issue.

 

I hate all this "where I go my partner goes" bullshit. My friends are not his friends and I don't expect people to treat us as if we are a package deal, we are independent people who are capable of going somewhere alone/making the decision to attend something at different times.

x1,000,000

I hate the idea that because you're a couple you're no longer allowed to be seen as anything less i.e. the individuals you were (and still are!!) for however many years before you got together.

To throw a funny anecdote into the mix... H2B was supposed to be groomsman for one of his best friends last year. The invite was extended to me as I had met said best friend on many occasions and had met his now-wife a couple of times too. In the end, H2B actually missed the wedding because he works offshore and physically couldn't get back in time. It was made really clear to me that I was still more than welcome to come and they'd love for me to be there. I was more than happy to go by myself (as, heaven forbid, an individual 'single' person) to represent us as a couple. Great time had by all and many proseccos later had people telling me they preferred me to H2B. :P 

Bridezilla

Thank you every one - sorry if I overtook the thread - it wasn't my intention but I really felt like I needed to have honest opinions of how people would feel if they were invited and their husbands/kids weren't (particularly to a destination wedding)

I'm going to speak to H2B & discuss whether we should invite friends husbands/kids - I will keep you lovely lot updated

If I personally got invited to a wedding without my H2B - neither of us would be offended and I'd go but I realise that maybe we are not the 'norm'

Thanks again xx

http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/intimate-villa-cyprus-wedding---october-2018/432750.html

https://uk.pinterest.com/ruththomas1979/here-comes-the-bride/

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