Emotional support

Bridesmaid Drama

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Bridezilla

I've reposted this from my planning thread as i could do with a few perspectives and I'm not sure how many people read the planning thread! Please bear with me, i do get to the point eventually i promise! 

Despite a slight nagging feeling that I really should be doing something at least remotely wedding planning related, I've been very laid back about everything up to now. As you may remember, way back at the start of this thread, my bridesmaid dresses were the first things i bought. It was a very simple process, ordered a load online in various sizes and sent back the ones that didnt fit. Job Done. 

Or so i thought. 

One of my bridesmaids had not long had a baby when she tried hers on so hers was ordered purposefully too small (risky!) and one was massively pregnant so was unable to even get it on. I got them round a couple of months ago to try them on and J's (the one that was pregnant) fits fine, and A's (the one that ordered hers a couple of sizes too small because she wanted to shift her baby weight) was now too big and needs to be taken in! 

You'd think these were the 2 i should've been concerned about, but to keep me on my toes, my sister (K) has put weight on and her dress is now at least 2 sizes too small. She's known it hasnt fit for a couple of months now, and she was insistent that she was going to get back down to what she was when i bought it. She tried it on again yesterday and it's actually further away from fitting than it was before. The dresses are no longer on sale, and it cant be made bigger so i had to tell her there was no plan B. She needs to loose at least 3 inches from her waist for it to fit and she's got less than 2 months. I've tried to give her hints and tips, but her problem is that she's still in denial and making excuses. I don't mean to sound patronising here, but as anyone that's tried to lose weight knows, the first step is being honest to yourself. I've been there myself, eating biscuits in the kitchen cause if no one sees then it doesn't count, eating an extra slice of pizza because i'll start again tomorrow' etc... 

I was a bit harsher about it yesterday than i was before, not because i was angry, but because the gentle sugarcoating  (probably not the best turn of phrase here) approach obviously didn't work. Be cruel to be kind and all that. There were tears. We've arranged to meet again in 3 weeks and see how she's got on. 

My issue now, is that if the dress doesn't fit, what do i do? Someone suggested i get her a dress in a similar colour, but i really don't want her to be in a different dress to any of the other girls. I've been checking ebay and the likes to see if one comes up but no luck so far.

Bridezilla

Oh gosh, this is a difficult one! I feel sorry for her as I think sometimes the pressure of needing to fit in to something actually makes you eat more if you're that kind of emotional eater! Where are the dresses from? Could you contact the manufacturer and ask if they have any left lying around somewhere? Can it definitely not be taken out / corset back added? Could you get it made from scratch to match? Obviously if you go down that route you might need to discuss costs with your sister.

Two months is a reasonable amount of time to lose a dress size or two if you're really determined and strict but it sounds like she might struggle. Being supportive is the best way to approach this - I'm sure deep down she's upset/embarassed at the situation so try not to let her see you stress about the dress but focus on helping her. - could you go for long walks / exercise classes together? Slimming World is a pretty good option because it encourages eating the right foods until you're full so there's never a need to be hungry plus syns to still have the odd treat. The girls who have lost weight might be a good source of inspiration for her - perhaps they could do a whatsapp group to support and encourage each other if they're still also losing weight?

If none of the above options work then you'll just need to find another dress that goes - would you consider putting another bridesmaid in a new dress too and then having them mix and match rather than just your sister standing out? I've seen lots of it on pinterest and think it can look quite nice if the dresses are chosen well.

Bridezilla

I would suggest contacting the manufacturer/shop direct to see if they have any in their archive or available - do you have a pic of the dress or manufacturer/product code?

Failing that, could you speak to a seamstress to see if she could adjust? If not could you she make a new dress using the material from the old dress plus some extra so it still coordinates? Like maybe same material front and back but material added to the sides in a coordinating fabric IYSWIM?

Option 3 I guess is new dresses for all your bridesmaids, or possibly just new coordinating dress for your sister.

As someone who struggles with my weight, I doubt she needs any hints or tips - sorry if I sound rude, but I am an expert on the theory of losing weight, I know exactly what I should be doing - but the more stressed I feel the harder I find it! 

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

ShitGotReal wrote (see post):

The dresses were from ASOS and unfortunately cant be made bigger due to the style. They're also patterned so finding the same fabric isn't possible. I absolutely love the dresses so i dont want to change them, (plus the grooms tie and pocket square matches the pattern!)

 

What sort of style are they if you don’t mind me asking? Could you definitely not have extra panels put in at the side? I’d email ASOS and keep checking eBay etc... support your sister and hopefully she’ll manage to squeeze in! If she does lose some weight and can get them almost done up she could do a couple of body wraps and invest in a good control garment to suck in the last inch! Good luck. If none of that works then I think the only option is finding a new dress for her or two of them that you like / coordinates, or have her do BM duties but in a dress of her own - some of the solution finding is down to her Too. Hope she manages it!

Bridezilla

I don't know what style your dresses are, but could material from the current dress be used to make a dress where the front and back panels are original dress material, with panels in a coordinating plain material in the side? Sort of like this but could be done with lots of styles...

My planning thread: http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/forum/your-planning-threads/town-centre-barn-wedding---august-2019/452338.html

Bridezilla

Honestly, you putting pressure on her to lose weight is unlikely to motivate her. I bet she's gutted and a little embarrassed which definitely won't help matters. It isn't easy for some people to lose weight, even if you know what you need to do. There are loads of brides on here who vowed to lose weight before their wedding and didn't.   

If you can't get a replacement in the same fabric, and you can't get it altered then you don't really have much of an option to be honest other than to get her a different dress or ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.

I wouldn't count on her losing the weight - if she hasn't done it by now she's unlikely to do it with such a short deadline, especially with the pressure. Get her a new dress in a complimentary colour to the originals.

Bridezilla

Might a good seamstress be able to put extra panels of fabric in the sides (given it's floaty you won't notice so much if she uses plain panels in a matching colour - it would just look like wide pleats in the skirt), and then elasticate the waist.... not sure if it's possible but can imagine a good seamstress might be able to make something like that work.

I think you might need to come to terms with her being in a different dress one way or another, but worth asking a few different tailoring places to see what the options are to get it as close as possible to the others.

Bridezilla

Just had a quick look at your planning thread. This is the same pattern as the BM dresses you mentioned, is that an option? 

I really wouldn’t rely on her losing weight. The last thing you want is that stress just before the wedding!

http://m.asos.com/asos-tall/asos-tall-wedding-rouched-midi-dress-in-sunshine-floral-print/prd/7320505?affid=14179&channelref=product%20search&mk=abc&currencyid=1&ppcadref=761030383%7C39786858683%7Caud-108719242581:pla-412125334446&_cclid=v3_8f92116f-b244-5348-b420-0a127771e753&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI56L5_vW82wIVBrXtCh2g0wPeEAQYCiABEgIGnPD_BwE

Bridezilla

They look the same to me, and they're in the sale. I'd order one in every size and hope something works! you can always order too big and get it taken in, that's what I'd do if it were me!

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